Thursday Haiku Madness!~The Truth Hurts!!!!!

Before we start, let me just say another thank you to our dear friend El Guapo  for yesterday’s guest post.  Not only did he do a fine job, but he handled all of the insults I threw at him out of sheer jealousy all day long, and answered all the comments my former fans left for their new diva for hours on end.

I’m okay, really.  I’m over it.  I am sooooo over it.  After today, we will never speak of El Guapo again on this blog, since you all LOVE him more than you EVER loved me.  You can all just go over there for Friday Foolishness, and the song of the day, and all that other cute and charming crap he does.  Whatever.  Bye….wait, I’m not quite done with you. Don’t go get your new T-shirt printed just yet.

Oh puh-leez!

Oh puh-leez!

Nevermind.  We can do just fine without him,…but not until I take the time to reveal his true identity.  That’s right my friends.  I am going to rip the mask off of the lovable and irrepressible El Guapowitz, so be prepared.

Here is what we imagine that he looks like….a hot surfer dude who gets all the chicks in macrame bikinis.

El Guapo, surfer

Jeepers, El Guapo, you really kicked Cheeky’s ass yesterday, and just look at those muscles! You’re the most-ut!

Since he can’t be trusted AT ALL, I made him write his post on one computer while we had a video chat on another computer. I looked over his shoulder the whole time. I really wrote the whole thing.  I dictated, he typed. Well, not really.  I coached, a little..not much at all, really.  Oh screw it.  He has a gift. He did all of the work.  *sigh*  I watched his every move, and when his post was to my liking, I, in my infinite charity allowed him to hit the publish button.  Which, I may add, was a lot harder than I thought it would be after I got a look at the REAL El Guapo.  I was horrified.

I had promised him that I wouldn’t tell anyone what he looked like, but you know me.  The consummate big fat liar. Since he has unceremoniously ripped all of my adoring fans away from me in one fell swoop, I now will reveal the picture I snapped with my handy Oovoo machine the other night.


Stop screaming at me, Cheeky! I’m writing as fast as I can!

No wonder the guy knows so much about haikus! He was probably there to see them invented.  Maybe he really invented them himself.  Not too pretty to look at, but the dude knows his stuff.

Alright, since you’re already here, let’s do this ho-hum-hidy-ho-haiku business and just get on with our day, shall we?  Ahem…..I’ll start, as usual.


Cruel, petty Diva

Why you do Mr. Guap wrong?

Jealous much? Um, duh!


I used to be queen

Till Guap kicked me to the curb

With his dazzling wit


It’s too bad for you

I don’t stay down for too long

I’ll be back, sorry


Okay, that’s enough

Let’s do a real haiku friends

‘Bout nature and stuff


Wind blows through my hair

A blustery Midwest day

Could it be spring? SQUEE!


Masks come off today

Here’s a look at the real me

Feel free to run, NOW!



Scary shit, right?  That’s the most recent pic of myself I had.  I took it off of Mr. Cheeky’s desk.  It’s a wonder the poor man doesn’t just stick his head in the oven.

Alright friends, Please leave your delightful haikus in the comments.  As always, the badder the better, and of course, I just poke good clean fun at my good friend El Guapowitz, so I hope he finds this amusing.  He really is great, isn’t he? Please read his blog by clicking HERE

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34 thoughts on “Thursday Haiku Madness!~The Truth Hurts!!!!!

  1. Scary shit is that I’ve refreshing this page waiting for someone to comment before me, I’ll leave a comment and I’ll come back later with a Haiku, I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday, THANK YOU!
    I’ll be back…

  2. And bang, right before I publish my comment someone comments, ironic.

    My Dog’s head stinks
    pus and blood on my hand
    peroxide and vetadine shoulddothe trick

    Shoulddothe trick becomes a words in Haikus according to Merrianm Webster Personal Edition

  3. It’s been far too hot,
    Winter is on its way out.
    Didn’t show it the door.

    Alas, poor winter,
    I’m not ready for the spring.
    Cold spell once more, please.

    I just need one more,
    One last wintery cold storm.
    Then spring can take over.

    Snow fall, blanket all,
    Cover tulips and roses.
    The sun melts my hopes.

  4. I walk to the road
    I look twice before I cross
    Much the same in life…

    Wintery ice blue
    Frozen lake, snow all around
    The quiet landscape

    Oh, it’s been so long
    Since I’ve seen or heard you say
    Anything worthwhile

    Your heart is black, yes?
    I will never be like you
    I am much too soft!

    Here are a few Hai’s from Jen @ Tryst!! Some scenic, one real, and one harsh reality… I like to mix it up… 🙂

    ((It this the place Miss Cheeky? …I’m guessing so… ))

  5. Well, I’ve never tried to write a Haiku….I will go do research and come back……WOW.!!…….Sad that El Guapo stole all of your followers….I only allow him to post HALF of a comment on my page…..I can’t afford to lose anybody…..

  6. Pingback: Thursday Haiku Madness~ Better Late Than Never…right? | The Cheeky Diva

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