The haiku according to El Guapo
Yes, I have wonderful friends. The all important, all knowing, all handsome Mr. El Guapowitz took time out of his busy surfing schedule to research and write this post for me. If you haven’t met him before, he looks like this:
Isn’t he handsome? Okay, keep reading, see how smart and witty he is. Thanks so much, El Guapo!
**************************************************************
Cheeky Diva loves her Haikus. She appeared with them one day here on the internets.
“Oh my, Cheeky, how bold!” said some.
“Goodness! What a divine art form!” said others.
“I am to be learning so much from bookmarking the pages herein, that I welcome you for the knowledge” said way too many.
“Where the hell are my pants?!?” said- oh wait, that was me.
Anyway, so many seem to think that the haiku is descended from a long tradition of Japanese philosophy.
Cheeky has asked me to provide a history of the haiku for you, so you understand the roots from which she has drawn for her art.
A time long ago, the first haiku was composed by Groog Urglephbt (later discovered to mean High Forehead Diva) shortly after showing his new invention, the wheel, to a packed cave of spectators:
Round and round it go
Top become bottom again
Now invent drive-in!
So you can see that the haiku is inherent to the human condition. Yes, from the very first, it was intertwined with man’s expressions of accomplishment! But that’s not all.
I refer you next to one of mankind’s greatest achievements. No, not Jiffy Pop (that comes later), but the discovery of farming.
Lets listen in as cultivation is first discovered in Ancient Egypt by Patra Aurelius
(known around the pyramids as “Both Eyes On One Side of Her Face (Like A
Hieroglyph) Diva”).
Stop! In The Name Of Haiku
The camel has dung
The vapors give my beans life
Bangles got nothing on me
(Obviously, the Egyptians (while embracing the form), had yet to grasp the nuances of
the 5-7-5 construction.)
By this point, you would think the Haiku was firmly entrenched in the soul of mankind.
You would be wrong. We fast forward to those dark times know as…well…the
Dark Ages. History records that a small group of holy soldiers struggled against the
decrees of the empire that all verse be written in iambic pentameter.
Led by a brave hero, known to the populace as “Bubonic Diva”, the following verse was
found scribbled on a wall near the sanitarium
Typhoid Mary,
Not a real diva
This city lives on
Nothing can stop the progress
Hey, is that a rat?
Fast forward, and you’ll find that haiku was even present on the birth of the United States
of America.
This next haiku, recently unearthed from a brothel in Boston (Puritans indeed!) provides
deep insight into the mind of the revolutionary, courtesy of Tricorn Diva:
Johnny Depp, not a woman,
but definitely a “Diva”
Boats burn like candles
At last, we will taste freedom!
Hope it tastes better than tea…
While delving into the history of haiku and unearthing some of the gems of the form, I
couldn’t neglect Japan, thought by many (wrongly) to be the birthplace of the form.
Does this parasol make me look like a diva?
Cherry blossoms fall.
My heart flies away, on wind
Wait, I lost the theme…
Can you feel the depth? The passion and emotion that Kabuki Diva managed to pack into
it?
Yes, I knew you could.
What else is there to say about haiku that hasn’t been crammed into textbooks, style
manuals or blogs?
Only this:
You’re very welcome
This lesson is at an end.
Y’all keep it Cheeky.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what a true Diva looks like.
Note On Today’s Music: I don’t think the B-52s ever did haiku.
But they are definitely divas.
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Thanks for guest posting and leading me to her site. This is such a cool place! 🙂 I love that Pirates were included in this history lesson, especially the Johnny type pirate. 🙂 Great job, Guap and hello, Cheeky Diva!
Hi there and thanks for dropping by. I’ll try to scrape up some more pirates if you like them. Or is it Johnny Depp? I’d be happy to do a post all about just him! 😉
Thanks Mel!
And I’ll see if I can’t figure out a way to work in more Johnny for you.
This is turning into a regular Dean Martin Roast of you my friend. I think I need a bourbon on the rocks, which I’d really rather die than drink and it’s only 9:30 am.
It’s so beautiful…
So much entertainment here!
Cheeky Diva Rocks 🙂
Thanks for the link my sweet diva! xoxo
Of course! Love to link whenever I can. Thanks so much for the compliment.
Very informative way to start my day!! Thanks Guapster….and thanks Cheeky!!
Now life can go on for all of us, since we have been schooled in the ways of the haiku. I know I feel a lot smarter after reading this.
I have so much knowledge now, I fear my brain may start to leak….lol.
Stick a bandage over the weak area and cover with a trendy scarf. You’ll be a super smart fashionista and the envy of all of your friends. See? Win-win
Ooh, then I could be “Head-Wound-Harry” Diva. 😀
Buuuahahaaahaaaa!!!!
More educated?
I shudder to think whst constituted your education before this…
A midwestern public education. Be afraid, be very afraid.
I’d have saved this read for the end of the day, Less time to walk around with it in your head…
Lol….this post should have come with a warning label. 😉
Amen to that! I have ABBA stuck in my head! I wonder how that got there? My brain has been wanting them to do a cover of Lady Gaga’s Papparazzi since I read your post this morning. Thanks for that!
Then my work here is done! 😉
You are the true villain after all, aren’t you?
That’s what I have written on the labels of my underoos!
Ha ha!
Clearly, I have been underestimating the power of Haiku because I simply didn’t understand the history. Now I’m better.
And Guap, are you competing with me for control of the internets? What’s this about?
You looked like you were having such fun in your conquest. Elyse, Thought I’d try and take a shot at it…
It was a blast Guap, but now it’s just an empty theatre …
We’re all hanging out by the concessions waiting for the next showing!
Hahah! Guapo is a funny one, isn’t he? This may be one of my favorite Guapo posts. “Now invent drive-in!” and “The camel has dung,” are both being made into bumper stickers this very minute.
Grippy
He did a lovely job. Thanks so much for popping in to say hello! Nice to meet you. 🙂
I will take a case of the second one. I know a parking lot which needs at least that many.
Oh, did you move back to NYC, Red? 😉
Still in the third circle of hell, but planning on escap…I mean moving soon.
Thanks Grippy!
(Just use a gentle adhesive on teose stickers so it doesn’t hurt the camel when it’s removed…)
Lol!! Send Me a copy too oha d ad I Puritans indeed !!
Note to self: never use two-fingered fancy iPad typing unless the goal is to type like spaz.
LOVED IT!! I had tears running down my face…but that could have been from all of the chocolate I just ate….
Ha ha! Didn’t Guapo do haikus a great service here? So glad he didn’t run away screaming when I asked him to guest host.
I’ll bet he screams like a girl…(Don’t tell him I said that)
I bet you’re right about that. What a good sport he is. Putting himself out there for us to belittle and ridicule. What a champ!
I know I get a lot of pleasure ridiculing him….I might start belittling him now too!
Let us not forget shunning and degrading. Those are two of my favorites. I do so enjoy browbeating him on Twitter as well.
Man, you have this down to an art form!! I just yell insulting things about him out the window to the squirrels…They LOVE it…..
Oh, I envy you! If I could just yell insults out the window at him, my life would be complete…I just realized what a horrible person I am! Skewering the man who I conned into doing my work for me and having fun at his expense with a total stranger….Wow! I am a diva.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! Oooops…we did just run off on a crazy Guapo rant didn’t we? My Mother taught me not to talk to strangers,,but I never did listen to her much…I like Divas! You’re talking to a person who travels with a pink tutu…does that make me a Diva too?…Ohhhhhh..I hope so!! (Guapo will forgive you….It sounds like he knows and loves the Diva in you )
We’ve been blog pals for quite a while, it’s all in good fun. And you travel with a pink tutu? Are you a pageant mom?
No, I’m a pageant wannabe………Ask Guapo if he knows the gal with the pink tutu….he may have better insight into why I travel with it than I do !
And for your part of the thread,
DOUBLE HMPH!!!
And is the little kangaroo in your pouch saying HMPH too? Oh, wait, you don’t have a pouch….do you?
I prefer to call it my man purse, or “murse” if you will.
Oh my. LOL
Since I can’t reply to the last comments in this string, I would just like to say
HMPH!!!!
(And thanks, zannyro!)
You know we tease you cuz we lub you, right?
Aww…
*blushing*
🙂
You’re welcome 🙂 I really, really did love it!
Hahahaha! “If you haven’t met him before, he looks like this” — BEST PHOTO OF GUAP EVER. ha!!
He is hotness personified is he not?
Who know that my best side was upside down, Asplenia?
That really is a great picture by the way.
You Haiku like a rock start –
During your search for Typhoid Mary, did you happen to run into Thyroid Harry?
I didn’t, Rutabaga, but trust me, you don’t want to search for Diva with the safety filters off.
*shudder*
Wow…great history lesson. I had no idea the Haiku was steeped in tradition…and tea!
And Typhoid!
I understand coffee was dicovered by a herder noticing his sheep would stay up all night when they nibbled a certain berry, Rogue.
Now that would make an interesting haiku!
I hope that now, after reading the history of haiku I’ll be able to write one that makes sense or is in fact a haiku and not a rhyme with more words and sylbas.
One can only hope.
Good one El Guapo, and hello Diva!
Well, if you stop by here tomorrow and leave a haiku, know that I don’t really have much respect for rules. All are graded on participation. Rhyme, not rhyme, 5-7-5 or not, I don’t care, everybody’s input is welcome. Of course, the sillier the better. I always start off with a topic for inspiration, a few fun pictures and then a few really cringeworthy and embarrassing poems. Readers always jump in with either poems or just comments. It’s great fun! Especially if you take a few minutes to soak your head in a bucket of grain alcohol first. Please plan to join the festivities!
Ok, I’m in I’ll be back.
Sounds like fun!
I’ll follow you.
Rubs hands with evil glee…..another one into the web has gone….see you tomorrow.
The beauty of the internet is that you can create your own wikipedia Haiku entry with whatever rules you want, Doggy.
Then when someone complains about your writing, just refer them to teh page.
“Of course it’s right. It’s in Wikipedia!”
Very interesting – thank you both of you – and thanks for introducing El Guapo Mrs Cheeky :).
Happy middle of the week to you all.
El Guapo is quite a witty guy, I am glad to introduce you.
Thanks, and it’s a pleasure to meet you, d1nx
The multi-talented Guapuki, kills it again! Love this post, Guap, and nice blog Cheeky Diva! Hey, is that a rat… so clever. Thanks for makin’ me smile! xLaura
Hi Laura, that was my favorite line too. Guap did nail it for sure.
Always a pleasure to get a smile from you, Laura!
And hope you enjoy your stay in Cheekyville.
(Try the veal!)
(Much better than the rat.)
(I hope.)
(Where’s my pie?!?)
(sigh…)
Oh stop it! Twindaddy is still pissed at me because I haven’t sent him cookies. You people do realize I have two jobs now, right? Doesn’t leave me much time for baking and stuff.
Hey Miss Diva!! Happy to poke around here this morning!! ((Thanks to Guapo for the lead…)) But I was headed your way to do some reading anyway!! I’ve always loved the sweet simplicity of the Haiku.. and the challenge to put big meaning into such few words… XOXO have a Diva Day!! 🙂 ~ Jen
Thank you, you too! Please stop by tomorrow to leave some of your worst haikus here for all of us to enjoy!
Ooh, I just may.. What a fun idea!! XOXO
Do it every Thursday. If I can. Hope I have time tonight. I’m in the midst of a mad Twitter phenom that I accidentally created for my other blog, the one I write for someone else. Oops.
Girl.. you are everywhere!! I think that is so awesome!! I have Tryst, which has a small community, not near the followers you have. But I love each abd every one of my Tryst family very much!! ((I also have 2 other blog proj. in the works.. Soulshine and Soul Grafitti..)) I think it’s so great that you work so hard and put so much into your networks!! You really inspire me and I’m honored to have connected with you!! I think you rock!! XOXO
Oh, I have 3 haiku’s picked out for tomorrow!! You will let me know where I’m suppesed to post them, right? 🙂
Grr! Had written you a long comment, and it disappeared! I hate that. As for my network, I blog and tweet for Just Unfollow, and I had posted a question yesterday for input for a blog post I’m working on. Then JU retweeted it today to their half a million tweeps. YIKES! So, for the last couple of hours, I’ve been reading and answering the replies. They have built my network for me, as they put me on their home page for the last week or so.
That is so great!! Like I said, I have few followers but I love them all!! I believe I joined up with Unfollow per your request on Twitter..I will have to check on that. I’d like to know how to expand and get more followers.. or is it just how super awesome you are and how far you are reached..? Hmmmm? I wonder?? I bet you are very busy with all your comments! Makes me feel quite special that I get to chat with you too!!
I had a fair amount of followers before, I’ve had this blog since last July. People just like a silly person who isn’t afraid to say exactly what they think. I try to follow a lot of people who seem to have a blend of serious and funny i their personality. That way I never know quite what to expect. Sometimes a great article, a beautiful poem, or something that just makes me laugh my butt off. I think the best way to get followers is to start following others, in your blog or your twitter, and interact with them. Leave positive comments, share their work with those you think would like it, etc.
I forgot to tell you where to dump your haikus! Er Dee Der! I’ll post my haiku post around 7 in the morning tomorrow, so just drop by here and leave your brilliant 575’s in the comments.
I suppose I should go write it, shouldn’t I?
Thanks Jen!
Can’t wait to read your haikus tomorrow.
Oh my, well, don’t hold your breath darling!! XOXO
History can be fun.
Especially if you Tom Sawyer your friends into writing it for you, right?
I still haven’t been paid, btw…
Waitaminute – you’re getting paid for this?!?
She told me it was for charity for all those abandoned beanie babies and cabbage patch kids.
I was supposed to, but then she tried to offer me poisoned baked goods, instead.
Buuuahaaahaaaahaaaa see you tomorrow, right?
Hey, I didn’t eat them. You gave yourself away.
Twindaddy, shut your cakehole. Neither one of you will ever get a baked good out of me.
Well, not so sure that’s a bad thing, from what Twin told about me the…quality…of your baked goods…
I’m actually quite a cook, when I have time.
Thanks for the most excellent lesson, Guapo! My favorite is the Cherry Blossoms. Of course, I felt the depth.
Thanks Bumble!
And remember, repeat what you’ve learned here in any literature seminar, and you’re sure to get the professor’s full atention!
I concur, like a doctor. I’ll expect stellar (awful) haikus tomorrow from all newcomers. And oldcomers too for that matter.
Very enlightening! Thanks for opening my Canadian eyes!
Thanks Hook!
(Though I’m a bit nervous the kind sentiments are just to lull me before you get revenge for inflicting this on you…) 😉
My mind cannot wrap itself around this. This is like two of my favorite people got… Photoshopped together, then thrown in a blender, and then had a love child. Pardon me while I pick my brain up off the floor.
Well put my friend. I think….:-)
Ha!
We’re like a bacon/nutella pop tart, PMAO!
That sounds good.
Wow! Three of my favorite things!
Well done, Guap! I envy your invitation for guest blogging.
I am happy to have anyone that is free to grace my pages on a Wednesday write something wonderful to put here. I’ll check out your blog and let’s chat, okie dokie? Nice to meet you, thanks for stopping by.
No problem, Cheeky Diva! Just let me know. 🙂
Cool! Will do. 🙂
A fascinating voyage through the history of Haiku. I particularly loved the stroll through the plague (you knew I would). The line ‘Hey, is that a rat?’ is no doubt in the Haiku Hall of Fame. I know it’s my favorite.
Great post!
I tried to find out more about that Haiku, carrie, but alas all the witnesses died.
Whether from disease or their heads exploding after hearing, no one seems to know…
OMG, Carrie, everytime I read that, I start laughing again. Haiku hall of fame indeed! 🙂
Zannyro and more
I see many known faces here
How missed you?
That sucks as I prefer limericks.
Thanks Guapo for putting the influence of Suzanna Hoffs in historical context.
That’s a pretty good haiku, Frank.
If nothing else, it distracts from the horrors I perpetrated above!
(And Suzannah Hoffs…ahhhhhhh…)
I’m assuming you’ve seen her lingerie scene from a movie.
Gah – missed that.
Tahnk the gods for you tube!
Worth the watch! …. and the world is anxiously awaiting your musical addition to today’s post.
The haiku must die.
(shrieks in horror) No!!!!!!!!!!! haikus alive and well here. Maybe that’s a stretch. I can’t really say they’re “well” exactly.
Oh, I like you already!
😦
Nono – then we can resurrect them in our image!
Hmmmm, not a bad idea. Some of tomorrow’s pictures look like they were resurrected (poorly). 😉
A history of haiku made up by el Guap never read so good! Is that a Haiku? You are wealth of misinformation that I admire with all my heart! I think that’s a Haiku for sure,don’t you? You are a wizard Guap. I kid you not! Now that must be a Haiku surely! I know I know don’t call you Surely. Haiku possibly? Let’s let the Cheeky Diva decide!
You are a first rate, haikuist, Linda!
(Just don’t let the little one see the haikus in this post. No telling what trauma it will cause!)
Thank you El Guapo! Ha! I’ll put a haiku rating on it!
Of course I show up after the lights are out and the doors are locked, but I came in through a window in the back for the haiku history lesson. El Guapo, you are not only the handsome one, you are a good teacher. I’m especially fond of the Dark Ages era and the rats.
I don’t know if I should be concerned that everyone seems focused on the dark ages, Maddie… 😉
Guaps is so eloquent!
Why thank you, Benze!
Prrof that my medication is working!
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Cheeky, you said to drop by and post my Hai’s here, right? Guapo.. can you hear me?? I’m trying to play with you guys and offer up some original silly Haiku’s from my massive collection of written work… so, here are some to ponder:
I walk to the road
I look twice before I cross
Much the same in life…
Wintery ice blue
Frozen lake, snow all around
The quiet landscape
((I don’t see many other Haiku’s up there… oh well. Solo haiku’s are cool too!!))
🙂 Jen @ Tryst
Sorry, go to my home page and put your haiku on the newest post so everyone sees it. 🙂
Ahhh…I thought you said put it in the comments there!! It’s ok!! I like to run around… 🙂
Oh sure, post good haiku that actually follow the form.
Hmph.
Good ones! I really liked them, especially the first.
I’m in love with you
Your haikus are too funny
Envy is not sweet
Hahaha this was hilarious! El Guapo, your haikus are pretty awesome too. Maybe I should try it one day!
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