Cooking with The Cheeky Diva~ Why So Cereal?

Good morning readers!  I’m sure you’re all hungry this Saturday morning, and you just can’t bear the thought of going out in the cold for a yummy calorie loaded breakfast sambich from a drive through, and you’re too embarrassed to ask people who live with you if they will prepare sustenance for your sorry ass one more time.

Fear not!  No one starves today!

I’m sorry, I’m not going to teach you how to prepare a full and satisfying breakfast like this one:

In fact, I’m not even going to teach you anything as complex as the preparation of toast yet, readers.

When we get past our tutorial on Hot Things That Make Food But Can Burn You, I promise I will extol the secrets of delectable and lightly singed toast upon you all.  That tutorial will come right after my upcoming lesson called Sharp And Pointy Things You Can Use To Make Your Food Small Enough To Cook And Eat

But for today, we will stick with something so simple, I’m sure even you can do it.  We’re going to make cereal! ( Well, we’re not really going to make it. I don’t even know how that’s done.)  That’s done by really smart scientists in labs and stuff that turn this:

into something like this:

Blecch! Fruity Pebbles. Nasty!

I’m not going to tell you how to make it, exactly, I’m going to give you instructions for preparing it to be eaten.  And I’m talking about cold cereal, right out of the box.  Not any of that nasty, lumpy, hot cereal that makes my skin crawl.  Besides, this class isn’t advanced enough to make hot cereal….yet…But I don’t know why you’d want to.  Alrighty then! Let’s get moving, or you’ll be begging for someone to make you lunch by 10 am!

CEREAL:

Ingredients:

Box of Cereal (Your choice)

Milk (Again, your choice.  Soy, Almond, Cow, Goat, Coconut, whatever strikes your fancy)

Tools needed:

A bowl (like the kind they put soup in for you)

A spoon

Good hand/eye coordination

Level of difficulty:

Moderately Advanced

Preparation Time:

1 Minute~ Really~! This is something that can be done very quickly once you get the hang of it! Trust me, would I lie to you?

Instructions:

Pour enough cereal out of box into bowl to almost fill it.  Do not overfill!  This could be a disaster!  Make sure to leave some room at the top.  About the width of your finger.

That doesn’t look so hard, does it?

For those of you foodies who want some tres chic cereal accessories to wow your future breakfast guests with, consider getting one or two of these handy units at zedomax.com

Once the cereal is in the bowl, slowly add the milk.  Again, be careful not to overfill.

Now you can eat it (with the spoon) and enjoy! Bon Apetit!  I’m so proud of you!

Here’s a few more tips regarding cold cereal preparation:

If the box leads you to believe what’s inside might be healthy, or looks like a bird could build a nest out of it, feel free to liberally add sugar to make it edible.

If the cereal box is brightly colored, or has cartoon characters on it, or you’ve actually witnessed children eating it, it’s probably fine to eat just the way it is without additional sugar.

Fun Cereal Add ins~

Sliced fruit like bananas or strawberries add a delicious twist to cold cereal.  Since we haven’t covered using a sharp knife yet, please get someone who usually feeds you with more technical knowledge to do the slicing for you.  If no one with such skills is available, stick with fruits you don’t need to slice, like raisins, blueberries or raspberries. You could also add chocolate chips, M&M’s or go crazy and just dump in a bag of trail mix.  On second thought, you could just pour that trail mix in a bowl and drown it in milk.  Now that’s some cereal!   Crushed pineapple is not recommended.

Stuff that you probably won’t want to add to cereal:

Potato Chips

Peanuts

Wasabi Peas

Corn Nuts

Alternate Preparation:

If you like to march the beat of a different accordion, or just don’t like milk, you could try eating your cereal with a different liquid, like coffee, water or bourbon.

Advanced Techniques:

Wow Cheeky, I”m so stoked that I can make cereal, but I still have to depend on others to supply me with food the rest of the day, don’t I?

Heavens NO, dear readers!  Cereal isn’t just for breakfast anymore.  You can actually live on this stuff!  Just look at the label!  All kinds of chemicals, additives and other nutritional goodies for you.  Your box of sweet crunchy goodness is practically a food pyramid by itself!  Think of the milk as the mud that  Charlton Heston  used to stomp into the straw to make bricks for that big pyramid in Egyptonia.

He’d be fine if someone would just give him some Wheaties

If you live alone, and this recipe is new information for you, frankly, I’m shocked that you’ve survived this long, but Yay! for you.  Cereal is great, but sometimes you want a heartier meal.  No problem.  I have a great recipe for you.

Before preparing your cereal, add one of your favorite condiments to the milk and stir well. Ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise or salad dressing will work just fine.  Pour your milk mixture onto the cereal and then add hot dog slices. Yum!  To make it a more well-balanced meal, toss in some carrots, broccoli, or other vegetable.  You can eat this cold if you like, but it does taste better when it’s hot.  If you do plan to heat it up, you could also add some shredded cheese. (As long as it’s already shredded, please don’t attempt this yet, it’s beyond your current level of expertise.)

Remember that broken TV in the kitchen? Well, that’s not a TV after all.  It’s an oven!  I know, right?~ You guessed it readers, you can put your most bestest cereal creation right in there, set the timer for a couple of minutes, and Vi-Ola! Hot steaming bowl of…….oh, you get the idea. Now who’s cookin with gas? Er, I mean nuclear death rays.

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