Ahhhhh…..Nothing warms the heart quite like the end of the world, am I right? Our impending doom is just around the corner and it’s time to let it all hang out. Now is the time to say things that need to be said, and toss your inhibitions out with the baby, or the bath water, or whatever that phrase is.
Today I give you more cards to share with your loved ones, because frankly Scarlett, we just don’t give a damn, do we? So in the spirit of just not caring anymore, here are some cards you can use for those situations where you’ve decided to give in to your demons, your addictions and finally, just want to tell the truth.
You’ve done a great job fighting your compulsive eating until now. Eating right, going to the gym and taking good care of your body. Screw that! Strap on the feedbag fatty!
Everyone suspects, you get a raised eyebrow now and then. So what, you like to take a little nip. Just hand this card to whoever finds you in front of the liquor cabinet with a funnel in your mouth:
Maybe you’ve had one foot out the door for a while, but just don’t know how to make a clean break. Here’s one for your soon to be insignificant other:
What about that cute guy or gal at the office? Aren’t you just kicking yourself now for being a Harvey or Hortence Milktoast? Too late to strike up a friendship and see if it could blossom into love. But fear not, maybe you can spend your last night together at least. Try this one to see if they’ve had their eye on you too:
And finally, inspired by the incomparable Carol Burnett, and the best “Christmas Face” ever captured on film, here’s a card that I’m sure will come in handy for many situations:
The Cheeky Diva 
And this is why I love you!
Ha ha! Thanks! Don’t forget to stop by on the 22nd to get your “Oops! I guess we’re still here” apology cards.
Priceless. Hallmark has nothing on you.
Ha ha! Thanks so much! I might actually print some of these onto cards and um…give them away, maybe?
You better hurry. The 21st is only 10 days away…
I am sensing just a hint of cynicism here. Is somebody lacking in holiday spirit? You need some Pfuffernussens… (I bet I did’t spell that right)… but they are these little gingerbready,spiced pepper cookies from Germany covered with powdered sugar. I think the name means ‘pepper balls’, which is what I used to call my daughter’s last boyfriend just as a joke… the German version, not the translation.
Arthur, my friend, I am very much lacking in holiday spirit this year. Anything I can do to keep myself laughing is necessary at the moment. I don’t know if I’d like these pfuffernussens of which you speak, but I could definitely use some farfegnugen. (Don’t know how to spell that one either. Oops)
A good feeling while driving is no substitue for a good German cookie.
I’m afraid I must respectfully disagree.
But you can eat cookies while you drive.
Okay, you win.
I always do…
I will send along my relatives’ addresses and you can send out as many of these as you’d like.
Please send stamps too. Then I’ll be glad to send them to all on your list.
Are food stamps okay?
Um, sure, yeah I guess so. If it will get the job done. Better yet, send me their email addresses so I can fill their inbox with awesome deals on Avon, Viagra and chain letters. 🙂
You’re the best.
My family is grateful I don’t send Christmas cards because they know these are the kind I would send…
I don’t have much family left, but my sister is the only one still alive who is speaking to me. That works. I sent the rest the card with Eunice on it. Isn’t that a great shot? So scary.
Am I weird for thinking that Carol Burnett was hot on Mama’s Family?
Um, no, of course not. Especially if you compare her to Vicki Lawrence (On Mama’s Family).
How goes it? I see you are under construction. Something secret going on over there?
Yes. It’s *top* secret.
Ooohhhhhhhh…So when’s the big reveal?
I dunno. I’ve been busy lately, and haven’t really had time to work on it. Maybe by the end of the week?
Cool! I don’t know what I’m doing for the rest of the week. LeClown isn’t doing haikus anymore, so on Sunday, him and his guest host were directing all of his readers to come to my place on Thursday. I suppose I should come up with something fabulous, just in case I have company. Other than that I got nothin.
You got me?
Maybe I should try that hot new thing all the cool kids are talking about–meaningful content. Hmmmm….nah.
Are you drinking right now?
Of course not! I’m still at work.
So?
Not much more time. tick tock
These rule.