A Perfect As Seen On TV Christmas!!!

I was going to go out and do some Christmas shopping today, but my pal Adlibb3d has scared me enough to stay right where I am, and do all of my holiday gift buying in the safety of my own home.  I know he lives far away from me, but  guys just like him are out there waiting to pounce on easy prey like me when it comes to the “survival of the fittest”, “dog eat dog” mentality that has overtaken the ritual of Christmas shopping.

Since I’m going to stay put with my tee-vee dinners and my sale flyers for the next month, I’ll have to get creative.  I’m not very interweb savvy, so I’ll be doing all of my ordering over the phone with a gift I received last year.

Just look at those big shiny buttons! I can almost see them.
Thanks, kids!

Since Mr. TheCheekyDiva and I have decided to give our selves an X-box, why not have something comfy to wear while we play?  Like these~

I can’t wait to see how hot he looks in one of these!

And to make sure the whole family is comfy cozy as well as cute as can be, Daisy The Wonder Mutt gets one too.

You do realize, I’m already covered with fur, don’t you?

I am so smart.  I am totally thinking ahead.  We’ll all be comfy, cozy, cute and–Forever Lazy.  So who’s going to take The Wonder Mutt Outside?  No worries!  We won’t even have to do that anymore.  She can now take a crap in the living room anytime she wants and not get in trouble.

Privacy please. Couldn’t you at least put it in a quiet corner, you lazy bastards.

Hmmmm.  Looks like we’re also gonna need some of this.

That is not dog crap on that grass in the corner. It’s a “sculpture”. If it was dog crap, it would smell, wouldn’t it?

What do I want for Christmas from Mr. TheCheekyDiva?  Oh boy!  There are so many things I would love.  Here’s my Christmas list.  I hope he’s reading.  All I want is to  look young and pretty for you~

Who wants to waste the time and money going to a salon and having a professional do this?

And so I can look smoking hot on date night,  I really, really need some of these!

Mom jeans are just so 1990’s

But I’m not done yet!  No outfit is complete without this!

Can’t go out with that embarrassing back fat bulge, can I?

I know, after Thanksgiving, I’m a little on the pudgy side. How am I ever going to fit into those smokin hot jeans?  Maybe you should get me one of these.

All the sweat, none of the work!

But wait!  There’s more!  I really want to look my best this Holiday season, so here’s just a couple more things I need to complete my look.

Movemeber, I’m so over it. This mustache has got to go.

And lastly, to retain that summer glow,  no Christmas would be complete without this….

I can’t WAIT to give myself a spray tan!

Okay, enough about me.  Since all of my fine young men are out and on their own,  they each get one of these.  Because nothing charms the chicks like a Bad-Ass Mr. T oven!

Gold Chains Sold Separately

And, so they can have that trademark Mr. T mohawk, without the hassle and expense of going to a salon, they also get one of these.

Practicing on a sleeping friend is highly recommended.

And since Christmas still has a little magic, all my boys get one of these too.  What could be more creepy than a Spongebeb with alfafa sprouts growing out of his head?

I’m ready, I’m ready I’m ready!

For the gals on my list, I’ve decided to give them all some little gifts that will boost their self esteem.  Who doesn’t need a lift every once in a while?

Might have to get myself one too.

And since nothing says “trashy” like fake beauty pageant hair, they also get one of these!

Lastly, to make sure all of my friends are totally booty-licous, I’m putting one of these in their stocking.

Oh yeah, a gift to make my ass look bigger. Thanks!

For the men folk on my list, since most of them are the outdoorsy type, I thought they might appreciate one of these.

Bringing your bathroom to the great outdoors!

For privacy, I am also giving each of them one of these…

OCCUPIED

And finally, a product that I’m sure every man would love to have.  Come on?  Can you tell me that there is one man on Earth who wouldn’t kill for this?

Really, there just aren’t any words.

Tune in tomorrow for my great list of As Seen On TV stocking stuffers!  Fun for the whole family! 

 

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